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What about if you’re a “churner,” and not yet in a long-term committed relationship?
The upshot is clear: Take your time, examine your motivations for intimacy, and figure out whether you and your partner share a similar vision for your life and your relationship.
Without moralizing on whether premarital sex is bad or good for a relationship, the authors point out that practically speaking, premarital sex actually is bad for a relationship.
It’s not so much the sex, however, but the cohabitation itself that it leads to which then leads the couple to slide, unthinkingly, into wedlock (or continued cohabitation).
In an online study of nearly 600 married and cohabitating couples in which the female partner was less than 45 years old, Sassler and colleagues examined measures of relationship quality, sexual satisfaction, communication, and conflict.
However, they do seem to attach different meanings to sex as an indicator of commitment.
Rather than going through the process of critically evaluating whether the relationship is right for them, they make the decision to marry out of factors such as convenience, economics, or—the sex.
Cornell University policy researcher Sharon Sassler and her research team recently decided to study relationship “tempo.” Based on the hypothesis that churning leads people to enter less than satisfactory relationships, they investigated the connection between the timing of when couples first had sex to their later perceptions of relationship quality.
Before they know it, they’re making plans to move in together.
Unfortunately, many of these hurried unions lead to disappointment as the relationships falls apart before it’s even had time to take shape.